Gingerbread Men
by Eskarina
Summary: Mrs. Lovette decides to make something sweet from an old recipe, something sweet that brings back memories for both her and Sweeny. Follows an alternate ending to their story.
1. Sugar

First attempt at Sweeny/Lovette Fanfiction, forgive mispellings of character's names and moments of OOCness. Thought up when I was making gingerbread 8D There may be more chapters to this, depending on reactions.

It was always slow when it got to spring. People didn't want hot meat pies if the weather was nice enough to warm them without the aid of food. So she cleaned, tidied and swept until there really was no point in it, the house had not been so clean for years.

She set Tobias to re-painting the old signs, re-varnishing furniture that had long since dried to the core, nailing down all those old panels that sprang up and re-attaching cupboard doors until not a single part of the house looked out-of place.

She even spent the money they'd been gathering so easily now Mr.Todd was back and looking after them, though not stupidly, as Mr. Todd said, she was ever a practical woman, not new chairs, but new covers for them. The only little luxuries she allowed was the new dress, Tobias' new sets of clothes, and of course, the haircut.

Madame Louise' salon did a wonderful job, considering how little raw material they had to work with. Her rough red curls that she usually tied up into a bun on her head were now soft crimson, tumbling over her shoulders in deep waves of fire.

Toby had said she looked beautiful, like a right real queen. Mr. Todd didn't say anything, Mrs.Lovett wasn't sure he even noticed.

Still barely any customers came, and finally Nellie Lovett gave in, got together what she needed, and started baking away in the kitchen.

Toby ventured out of the parlour and stared at her, in a flurry of flour and sugar and warm, delicious smells.

"Whot'cher making m'um?" he squeaked, staring at her hands, he always did when she baked, pies or buns, it was incredible to watch, just as Sweeny was an artist with a blade, Mrs.Lovette had a magic touch with dough when she had the chance.

She barely looked up from the dough as she kneaded, it looked like rough treatment, but she knew it took a gentle touch in just the right place.

"Gingerbread." She replied, her tongue sticking out one side of her mouth in concentration. "May as well, no customers're comin for th' pies, so we may as well 'ave a treat."

Toby's eyes lit up and he hurried to sit on one of the stools near the little kitchen and watch her longer. "We could try sellin' them m'um, I could make up a little song, I'm dead good at that I am, wotch!" he cleared his throat and sang out happily, "_Come try Mrs. Lovett's magic gingerbread men, even all the dead men sing of them-"_

Nellie Lovett shuddered and turned quickly, popping a ball of dough into his wide open mouth. "Now you hush up eh? They're for us to 'ave an' no-one else…. Well…" she let her eyes wander to the window where she could see the steps up to Sweeny's shop.

Tobias visibly sulked, chewing the raw dough for a moment before swallowing and replying, "'E won't wont one m'um, he's a miserable bugger and no mistake."

That remark fetched him a clip around the ear.

Soon the kitchen smelled not of death and blood as was the norm, but spices and baking and, dare she even think it, mother's love.

As she was taking the tray from the oven a voice that never failed to make her tremble sailed into the room;

"That doesn't smell like pies."

She turned and carefully placed the tray on a counter, keeping one eye on Toby as he stared greedily at the little golden people. Only then did she allow herself to look at him.

Ye Gods, he was beautiful. How could he stay so beautiful after all those crimes? Oh his eyes were growing darker and sunken, but that was the only true change she could see to him. Still so slender and pale and fine, like a china doll.

He walked like an animal stalking prey towards the counter and glared down at the biscuits.

"…Why gingerbread?"

Nellie shrugged and tossed her hair, moving along the counter to the icing and currants and cherries she'd made ready for decorating them. "We've not 'ad a customer for a while and I fancied somethin sweet."

"Mm."

Toby piped up suddenly, "They smell right nice M'um, can I 'ave one now?"

Mrs. Lovette shook her head and rolled her eyes, she could see something odd developing in Sweeny's eyes, suddenly she wanted Toby away.

"Tell you what love, take some biccies and some rum and go have a lie down outside, the suns too nice to stay indoors."  
Toby looked for a moment as though he may object, after all, he didn't trust Mr.Todd and he didn't want to leave poor Mrs.Lovett on her own with him. But the temptation of rum and sweetness out in the sunlight was too much, and off he scampered.

Once the boy was gone, Sweeny stopped even attempting to act normally, he picked up one of the little golden biscuits and glared at it for a moment, then calmly bit off it's head.

For a moment the two adults were silent.

Then he coughed and forced a swallow, narrowing his eyes and glaring at the woman, "You might 'ave told me they're hot."

Nellie smirked, "Y'didn't ask. Ruined yer dramatic moment there?"

Sweeny scowled and folded his arms, slumping into a chair like a sulky child, chewing thoughtfully on leftover crumbs for a moment.

He knew then.

Nellie swallowed and pretended to be very interested in how the little currants and cherries looked on the gingerbread people.

"…Lucy used to make these…"

She didn't say a word. He'd be furious with her, wouldn't he? For using Lucy's recipes with her ungodly hands. She thought sarcastically, no matter how beautiful and blonde that silly girl was, she'd never had the magic touch with baking, she used to burn things. And still her besotted hubby ate dutifully and called her a master chef, at least _she_ could make things without burning all the time…

"…She never could stop the edges from burning."  
Nellie looked up.

He was staring down at the batch now, unblinking, as though re-living a memory. "And there was always one or two with broken arms and legs…"

Nellie rolled her eyes, "That so? Well I'm afraid I'm rather good at baking, so mine come out proper, an' I ain't burning and breakin perfectly good food so's you can remember her."

They had been friends once, Nellie Lovett and Lucy Barker, they'd made cakes and things together, swapped recipes, chattered about their husbands and dreams of the future.

Then she'd introduced Nellie to Benjamin.

After that Mr. Lovett was never good enough, and jealousy consumed Nellie. And all she had been able to do through every moment of every day was curse her own bad luck that Lucy had met him first. She could have made him happy, she knew it, she could have been an ideal wife, but Lucy got there first.

Then Joanna had been born, and Nellie's boy, Jerry.

Gerry died not long after he was born.

Nellie hated Lucy for that. Lucy was the weaker of them, it should have been her babe who didn't survive, scrawny little blonde thing that she was, but no, Gerry, with his bright copper hair, he'd been the one to die.

She _could_ make Sweeny happy, she was sure of it. Even if it meant dying her hair blonde and pretending she couldn't bake.

All the time these thoughts ran through her head he stared down at the little golden men. Then finally he said;

"They're a lot nicer than hers were."

She looked up and blinked. Then curtseyed, "Thank you Mr. Todd."

Sweeny looked up then, appearing to notice her for the first time. "…When did you get your hair done?"

Nellie rolled her eyes, "Few days ago, not that you noticed."

He nodded, blinking. "…You look different…" he started advancing on her, and as she always did, she backed away until she was against the counter.

"Good different?" She questioned, "I ought to, for that much money."

He nodded vaguely and appeared to once again go into a daydream.

"Joanna loved to watch her mother make these… she gnawed at the edges with her little teeth."

Nellie felt a twinge of grief then. Joanna, damn the little pale thing, and her boy, tiny Gerry with a mass of crimson hair like hers, and how strong he'd been, she knew he was strong because of how loudly he could cry…

Then one night he didn't cry once.

And in the morning when she went to feed him…

"Why are you crying?"

She hadn't realised she was. She reached up and touched her face, yes, there was a tear.

Sweeny's expression barely changed. "It's not over my plight. I know you don't like Lucy… or Joanna."

Nellie steeled herself. Better tell him half a truth than none at all. "No ill will for your little Joanna. Or Lucy really, jus'… annoyed for you."

Sweeny appeared to accept this, but persisted, "But why the tears? You're not one for such deep emotions on behalf of someone you don't adore."

For a moment she considered lying, or distracting him, or something….

Then his eyes met hers. Cold, steely, daring her to try and lie.

And oh so beautiful.

"You talkin' bout your Joanna… reminds me of my baby."

Silence for a moment. Maybe he doesn't remember that she had a baby boy, around about the same time as his Joanna was born. Maybe he doesn't remember how he even held the little boy once, on a visit, and commented on his long red hair.

"...Gerald, wasn't it?"

She nodded wordlessly.

"That's why you took Toby in."  
She nodded again, letting her eyes wander to the window. Toby was sitting at a bench outside, dozing in the afternoon sun.

"…Lucy called him 'my future son in law'. I remember…" Sweeny hesitated then, hand tightening on the woodwork of the counter-top, like he was going to snap it. "I…always said no-one would ever be good enough for our Joanna…"  
"Shut up." Nellie snapped, then blinked, surprised at herself, she'd never been able to bring herself to speak back to him before. Not like her husband, the late Mr.Lovett, he'd felt the rough edge of her tongue plenty of times.

She tried to stop herself, but hot rage of a mother had taken control of her now. "My Gerry would have been too good for your scrawny little white rat of a baby!"

He caught her a slap around the face that turned one cheek bright red.

For a moment they stared into each others eyes.

Then they both lunged forwards and kissed deeply. Out of shared anger and grief in one moment, conflicting emotions mixing like cheap liquor with plain, old fashioned lust.

It was a long time before they drew apart.


	2. Spice

"M'um?"

Sweeny moved backwards swifter than anything truly of this world, for a moment even Nellie wasn't certain that only seconds ago he'd been at her lips.

She cleared her throat, "Yes love?" she managed to say without her voice trembling too badly.

Toby blinked a few times, apparently trying to work something out. Then his mind caught up with him, "Some of me mates from the orphanage are outside, can I go play wiv them?" he eyed Mr. Todd suspiciously, clearly he was reconsidering going anywhere without leaving her protected.

Nellie nodded, for a moment lost for words, then she managed to wobble out, "Of course you can Toby, be back before supper mind. An' don't you be thieving on anything either, you'rn the way to bein a proper little gentleman now don't forget."

Toby nodded, grabbing his hat from the hanger by the door before scampering off into the street, casting one last wary glance back at Sweeny.

It was quiet for a moment, a peaceful sort of quiet, tense but in an exciting way, full of possibilities.

And he ruined it, as he always did.

"The boy's frightened of me."

Nellie rolled her eyes and set to cleaning the counter-top of flour. "No bleedin' wonder, spend all your life up in that dark old shop muttering 'bout Lucy and Joanna, people going up there and not always comin' back."

He grasped her wrist. How did he manage to be so strong when he was so painfully thin?

"Does he know?" he growled, free hand twitching towards the razor in its holster, god only knew how he intended to hard Toby now he was outside somewhere in the streets of London.

She sighed, "I havn't told 'im, but 'e ain't dumb. He's noticed people don't always come back down them steps."

Sweeny appeared to consider this for a moment. "…Perhaps its time I had an… apprentice…"

Nellie frowned, determined she wouldn't let him have her Toby, her sweet boy who would do anything to please her, who reminded her so much of…

"Don't give me that look, I won't kill him unless it becomes necessary, if it means that much to you." He flicked out the blade of his razor and stared at the silvery-toned reflection of his own dark eyes. "…If you ever speak of my Joanna in that way again, I won't hesitate, love."

In seconds he had her pinned against the counter once more, this time with the blade at her throat. His face as emotionless as it ever was when she was around, though there was a tint of colour in his cheeks now.

She wondered if he always looked like that when he was going to kill.

She swallowed. "Now don't be you be getting over excited Mr. T, I'll say no more 'bout Joanna if you'll say no more 'bout my Gerry."

He hesitated, weighing the choice or just trying to scare her, she wasn't sure. It didn't really matter though, because then he moved his blade away and kissed her once more.

It was so intense, he tasted of blood and silver and traces of gingerbread, and his hair… it looked so greasy at sight, but now her hands were in it she felt how soft and flowing they felt through her fingertips, how good his waistcoat felt against that part of her chest her bodice showed…

He pulled back and glared. "…You're no replacement for her, but…" he turned away, walking around the shop running one hand through his hair, pushing it back on his head a few times.

Nellie bit her lip to prevent herself telling him exactly what she thought of his precious Lucy, and instead busied herself with decorating the gingerbread. Inside her heart was trembling, because the one she so deeply adored had kissed her so deeply and passionately… no _actor_ was that good, and Sweeny tended to mean things when he did them.

Finally he spoke.

"Send the boy up when he gets in. I could do with an apprentice, and… he's old enough to know."

With that he stalked out of the shop as though there was no possible way Nellie would argue. In all fairness, he was right.

She could only hope that this was intended as an act of kindness for her, so she would not have to lie to Toby anymore, one way or another, he would be persuaded.


	3. Some things nice

"Mr. Todd wants to see you upstairs." She said quietly when Toby got in.

"Why?" He questioned, his oh-so-innocent eyes fixing her with a trusting gaze. "He don't like me."

She frowned a little, "Now don't be thinking that, he's a… nice bloke, looking after us two like he does."

Toby folded his arms, "He don't seem like a nice bloke, he seems like a creepy bugger."

Mrs.Lovett smacked him around the head, "Don't you talk about him like that you ungrateful little wretch! Now you get yourself up them steps and see what 'e wants!" she looked at that innocent face for a moment.

He looked _so_ how she had imagined Gerry would have, if he'd lived that long. Only thing he was missing was the red hair, but… oh, how her heart ached.

"…I think we wants to make you 'is apprentice. That'd be nice, wouldn't it?" she tried to reassure him, "Many young lads would love to have a nice job like that. An' Barbering's a good trade…" she tried to think of some advantages that didn't revolve around blood and pie-filling.

"You er… your hair stays nice, you might well actually get it lovely and long like that wig." She tried. "And… um… you always smell nice, no 'orrible sewer smells for a barber."

Toby made a sad face, "I'd rather be a baker like you m'um. Nice work, somewhere warm."

Nellie felt her heart ache. She didn't know if she could do this, send him up to Sweeny, not knowing if he'd ever come back, or if he'd ever be the same again…

"You… you'd best go see Mr. Todd, love."

He nodded slowly, and wandered off outside and up those stairs that not everyone walked down again.

For a long time she sat alone in the parlour, watching shapes in the fire. Occasionally she thought she saw a devil's face hiding in the coals.

There ought to be a word for that particular moment in time when you are so worried that you can feel nothing, not even the worry itself. Nellie felt like a shell, like negative space in her own home. Her ears pricked desperately for any sound of something happening upstairs, or worse, in the cellar.

She found herself pressing her back hard into the chair. Fearful of not feeling something safe and reassuring behind her.

It was so damn long… what could take all this time? What were her two boys talking about?

She poked the fire a little, trying to destroy the monstrous faces.

She roe out of her chair and turned to leave, go and sit in bed and see how the land lay in the morning.

Only to see a beast at the window.

She screamed and screamed.

Footsteps racing down the steps outside, the beast racing away, vague shadows through the glass following it until her mind gave in and she fainted dead away.

Nellie didn't often faint, she was a strong woman, she didn't see the point of it.

Still, if every time she fainted she would be greeted by the face of Mr. Todd with genuine concern upon it, she would do so more often.

"Bumped your head a bit." he muttered, lifting her head to examine the lump.

She whimpered faintly. Everything still felt swimmy.

"I saw an 'orrible thing… at the window."  
"That revolting beggar woman." Sweeny muttered. "Needn't worry, Toby saw to it."

"Toby….?"

Somewhere behind Sweeny, that voice said gently, "It wasn't so bad mu'm. She didn't 'ave much life anyway."

Sweeny smiled a little, "Don't think we'll be able to use her in the pies. Toby pushed her into the sewer."

Nellie nodded faintly. Then frowned, this didn't seem right. "…Toby?"

Toby appeared in her view, bending over her while Sweeny knelt, her head on his lap while he checked the bump on her head.

"Mr.Todd tole me… everythin." Toby mumbled. He looked a little queasy. "An… it's not a nice fing to do."

"We're not nice people, boy." Sweeny muttered darkly.

Toby nodded, "I know, I know. An' it weren't right, wot 'appened to your wife an girl. An…" he sighed a little, like his soul couldn't come to a decision. "…T'aint right you was struggling for money m'um. So…"

"Yes?" Nellie sat up now, though she still felt dizzy, she could feel a bit of hope in the room, she wanted to catch it. "What is it Toby?"

"I wanna stay 'ere. I won't tell the beedle nuffin, 'e 'it me enuff times when I woz a street urchin, I don't owe 'im nuffin." Toby swallowed a little. "But I don't want to be a barber."  
Sweeny actually smiled a little at that, Nellie saw it, though she barely believed it.

"Oh? What job do you want then love?"

The little boy smiled so sweetly. "I tol' you mu'm, I wanna be a baker like you. Mr. Todd said you wouldn't mind m'um, and I'd be ever such an 'ard worker."

Nellie barely believed this was no dream. She nodded faintly, "Course, course you can my little love, I'll start teaching tomorrow… but I think I'd like it if I could go to bed now please."

"You can barely sit up." Sweeny muttered, "How do you propose to climb the stairs?"

Toby leapt in, "I can carry 'er, Mr. Todd! …I think."

Nellie waggled a finger at him, "I'll 'ave less of that young man, I ain't that 'eavy."

Sweeny said nothing, instead he proved the lightness of Mrs.Lovett by picking her up in one smooth motion.


	4. Emminently Practical

"Why're you bein' so nice to me, Mr. Todd?" Nellie whispered as he carried her up the stairs to her room. How many times had she dreamed he'd do this? Easily a hundred, but…

"Why not?" he replied, kicking her bedroom door open rather than try and work out a way of opening it without dropping her. He always did that in her fantasies too.

He placed her on her bed surprisingly gently. "Try and sleep. You've got one hell of a bump on the back of your head."

She nodded faintly.

"Are you awlright m'um?"

She sighed softly, and then felt those warm little hands clutching hers. "Aye Toby, just a nasty shock, that's all, you get along to bed now. Busy day tomorrow."

Sweeny didn't say goodnight when he left, but then she didn't expect him to. Toby stayed by her side though.

"M'um, you know Mr. Todd?"

"Yes love?"  
Toby bit his lip. "You love him, don't you?"

Her eyelids fluttered, "…Yes Toby, I do. Shame that he only 'as eyes for what his wife was."

Toby smiled a little and pressed her hand to his cheek as he clutched it, "Do you love me an' all m'um?"  
She smiled then, though she was so tired, "Of course I do Toby. Y'little sweetheart."

"I love you too m'um, an I reckon Mr. Todd does an' all, otherwise he wouldn't 'ave bovvered to carry y'up here."

Nellie Lovett felt a genuine flutter of her heart then, that much was true, Sweeny shouldn't have bothered to help her, he didn't do things like that.

"…Can I call you mother?"

Her eyes opened. "Pardon?"

Toby was blushing and shuffling his feet, "Only, I never 'ad no mother of me own, an you've been right nice to me…"

Nellie opened her arms and pulled the little boy to her breast, held him for a long time while the tears ran down her cheeks. It wasn't Gerry, she knew that, but here was a chance for her to have _a_ little boy, and she was going to take it.

Time passed, because that is what time does. Business was steady and good, Toby was a fast learner, and though he turned a little queasy when entering the bake-house, he learned after a while not to fear it. And though his little eyes became darker and he had one or two fearful nightmares, his kindly manner did not change.

"Mum, we're running low on supplies!" He called from the bake house up to Nellie as she wandered among her happy customers like a queen bee.

She nodded and smiled, "No matter Toby, won't be the first time we've sold out." She turned to the nearest lady at a table, "My little boy, Toby, isn't he a treasure, doing all that hard work in the bake house for me?" she heard the unmistakable sound of the bell on the door of Sweeney's shop jingling and added, "And how lucky we are to have that nice Mr. Todd to make sure we're safe."

Without waiting for a reply she sailed off among the customers once more, serving and occasionally bragging about what a happy life she was leading now.

And soon enough, the last customer left, the shop was closed and She and Toby were nicely tucked up in the parlour by the fire.

"Mum," Toby said between sips of his ale, "D'you think Mr. Todd will ever let me call 'im father?"

Nellie shook her head to herself, "The most you'll get is him allowin you to call 'im Sweeney, love. Still, no matter, eh? Why don't we talk about something nice?"

Toby brightened up, "Like a trip to the seaside, mum? You promised we could go when the summer came and it's comin!"

Nellie smiled and nodded, "I suppose it is…" she sighed and glanced over at the till, it was practically bursting with money now. They could pack up and go tomorrow, if they so wished. "I'll have to ask Mr. Todd, you know we can't leave 'im here on his own."

Before Toby could reply they heard the sound of his heavy footsteps coming down into the bakery, and through the dark kitchen to their room.

He looked dreadful, like he was sickening.

"Mr. Todd?" both of them exclaimed at once and hurried to catch him as his feet failed him. As they stood there holding him up between them he started to chuckle. Faintly first, then at a maddening frequency.

Nellie gulped, had his mind finally snapped altogether?

"I've killed the beedle. Heh…"

Toby's eyes widened, "Wot, really? Why woz 'e here?"

Sweeny giggled faintly, still with his head half-buried in Mrs. Lovett's shoulder, "Hehe… someone saw Ashley here… and Joanna's gone missing… haha…Ashley's stolen my girl…"

Nellie grunted a little and managed to shove him into a chair, he was far too heavy, "Well I don't see what's so bloody funny." She snapped.

Sweeny grinned that horrible grin he got when something evil was dancing in his mind, "It is funny, my love, because our dear beedle told me before I killed him that our kind friend Judge Turpin shall be coming later, to investigate for traces of yellow hair." He burst out laughing once more.

Toby swallowed, "Shall I get him some ale mum?"

Nellie shook her head, "No, but you can get me some." She ordered, and once the boy was gone she brought Sweeney a ringing slap across the face.

That brought him back, his eyes were normal again, as normal as they ever got anyway. Nellie was eminently practical, and she would be in this situation too. "Right you, we are going to 'ave to be bloody careful this time, the judge can be traced. Whot we are going to do is pack what we need, send Toby to find transport, and leg it as soon as you've had your little revenge."

He blinked a few times, as though anything after the murder hadn't occurred to him. "…What?"

She groaned, "Forget it, I'll sort it out! Just get whatever you want to bring with you to the seaside together and put it down here, then go and wait upstairs for the bloody judge."

Sweeney scowled for a moment, angry at being ordered around like this, but then he seemed to sense there was another slap in his future if he didn't do as he was told, and retorted with a sulky glare.

"That's better." Nellie said calmly.

It didn't tale very long to pack, the furniture had to stay, of course, and Toby didn't have many possessions anyway, so the little trunk she threw together with their belongings within didn't weigh much at all. And as for Sweeney, all he brought down were two clean changes of clothing and his precious razors, one missing from the set. She knew it was in the holster.

Then Toby was off into the street with a great deal of money and instructions to find the nearest hansom cab and buy the cab and horse from him for at least three times what it was worth.

Even the final revenge was like a well-oiled machine. Nellie was waiting for the body to fall and when it did she dragged it to the oven and shoved it in as bast she could, reasoning that it would at least slow the police down if they could find no body.

She was waiting outside the bakery, for both of her boys. Sweeney was first to arrive, coat hastily pulled on over his bloodstained shirt.

She sighed, "Sweeney, love…" she pulled a handkerchief from her bosom and tenderly dabbed the blood from his lip. "Honestly, where would you be without me?"

He didn't reply, he'd spotted Toby leading the cab to them. The man driving stared at them, "The lad said you'd buy this 'ere cab an horse off me!"

Nellie nodded, "That's right, and there's an extra dozen shillings in it for yer if you just hop down from there and pretend you never saw us."

The man blinked, obviously working out there was something wrong here, but all the same, it was a lot of money he was being offered. He climbed down.

He even helped load up the single trunk onto the roof, though at one point he could have sworn he heard the woman muuter to the bloke, "Don't you bloody dare, I'm not draggin that one down to the oven."

As he wandered away down the streets, hearing the sound of his cab and horse rushing off into the night, he muttered to himself. "Probably just a family trying to get away from a landlord."

They rode through the night, Sweeney driving while his two passengers were jostled and bounced over the country roads. They only stopped as dawn began to break and Sweeney steered the horse and cab up a small hill and into a patch of woodland.

Nellie sighed sleepily and poked her head out the window, "Why're we stoppin?"  
Sweeney glanced down at her, "Horse needs to rest. So do you and the bo- I mean, Toby."

Poor Toby, bless his hard-working heart, he'd nodded off almost the second the carriage stopped bouncing. Nellie smiled fondly at him and tucked her shawl around his shoulders as he leant on the window, dozing in the dawn light.

Sighing, she turned and looked up at Sweeny, he never seemed to tire, and though she badly wanted to sleep, she had to try and think rationally, for Toby and her beloved Sweeny.

"…How far to the seaside, do you suppose?" She asked.

Sweeny frowned, glancing at the horse. "Too far for it to take us. What do you suggest my dear?"

Nellie closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. Tried to think practically. She snapped her fingers, "If we can get to the next town with a station, we can get a train all the way to the sea!"

Sweeney folded his arms and frowned, how she hated it when he did that. "And how, pray tell, shall we get tickets without giving a name?"

Nellie rolled her eyes, "Sweeney Todd, don't tell me after all those murders you're shy about using a false name? Hmm? Or have you forgotten all about Benjamin Barker?"

He winced then, she supposed even the name was hard to hear now. Knowing he would never see Joanna or Lucy again. Benjamin had to mourn them, but Sweeney could get vengeance.

"…_Mrs. Lovett, What a charming notion, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always_."

She nodded smartly, "_Why Mr. Todd, oh Mr. Todd, you know what I'd like to do, Mr. Todd? It's true, Mr. Todd…"_

"_In an hour or so… we'll be on a train heading down the mainline, won't you just love it? Shall we discuss our new name Mrs. Lovett?"_

She blushed. "Well, it'd make sense to pose as a married pair." She nodded back towards the sleeping Toby, "Our son?"

To her surprise, he nodded. "Aye. _Well, it's just you and me and our boy named Daniel, we're off on a trip down to the English Channel."_

Nellie smiled, she'd never much liked her own name, it was fun to pick out a new one. "I think I'll be Rose, such a nice soft name, hmm?"

He moved in closer, close enough for her to feel his breath on her face, to make her feel overpowered. "I prefer Violet."

She nodded faintly, feeling very much like a shrinking violet at the moment. "A-and you?"

He considered it for a moment. "I always liked Benjamin."

She smiled faintly and patted his arm, "And a last name, my love?"

"Wyatt. It's a good, anonymous name. _Hello there sir, the family Wyatt, just me, my son and my lovely Violot."_

He leaned in as he hummed those words, and suddenly she couldn't bear it anymore and pushed her lips to his, not caring what he did to reprimand her for such an act.


	5. Appropriate as Always

hehe, I keep getting such nice reviews for this. Thanks people!

He pulled away first. To her complete astonishment he actually looked pleasantly surprised.

But of course, it didn't go any further, he patted her shoulder and muttered something about getting something to eat, he was starving, and then he climbed up to the trunk on the roof.

Nellie sighed and leant back in her seat, her head swimming like that of an innocent young country girl having just had her first kiss, though of course she was anything but that. He hadn't shoved her away in disgust, or said no, or any of the other hundred horrible reactions she was imagining. All of a sudden her seaside wedding looked so much nearer and possible, after all, he didn't seem to be brooding over Lucy and Johanna anymore…

_Lucy._

She bit her lip and turned over in the coach, trying to find a comfy position to nap for an hour or two.

That beggar woman, the one she despised, what if Sweeny ever found out that she was all that was left of his beloved Lucy? That the arsenic snapped her mind in twain, and that now that yellow hair was like straw, and falling out in lumps?

She shook her head violently. Best not to think about it. Besides, she wasn't Lucy, not the Lucy he remembered, _his_ Lucy died years ago.

"Mum… mum… th' monsters…"

She sat up and looked over at her boy. He was trembling and crying out in his sleep. With a surge of pity and mothers love she placed her hand on his forehead, it always seemed to calm him to feel her touch.

"_Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around…"_ she sang softly. Just that line and he settled and stilled. Bless his gentle heart, he even brought a thumb to his mouth and began to suck at it. Nellie knew she ought to discourage this, but after the night they'd had, it seemed best just to let him be.

She leant back once more and tried to imagine that seaside wedding in picture-perfect detail. Slowly and surely, she fell asleep, dreaming of white ribbons and rumpled bedding.

When she awoke Toby was no longer beside her in the carriage. For a moment she panicked, then she heard the sound of his voice and Sweeney's.

"Now lets try it again, 'Come along with the trunk Daniel, we'll miss the train!'"

Toby's nervous voice replied, "Right you are, Mr. Todd- I mean, father!"

Sweeny groaned, "For goodness sake boy, how hard is it to-"

Nellie poked her head out of the window and said sweetly, "Daniel my love, help me down from the coach!"

Toby leapt to his feet and hurried to her, "Yes Mum!"

Sweeny actually smiled then. "Ah, so you can do it for your mother but not for me?"

Nellie waved a hand dismissively at the barber, "With all respect love, you're flippin' scary, it's hard to imagine you as a father."

Toby nodded meekly, hiding his face in her gown as well he could, it seemed the trauma of the night was catching up to him, and for the moment he wanted to be held to someone.

Sweeny frowned a little, but sighed, "Then you'll have to be the one who talks to him if we need to." He glanced over at the horse, it was gnawing on some grass shoots and looking a lot perkier.

"Right, time to move on, onto the coach my love." He declared.

No-one seemed to notice the nice little family Wyatt as they hurried through the crowds to the platforms. The husband seemed to be a little overly annoyed about something, and the boy perhaps a little nervous, but otherwise they stood out no more than any other family at the station that day.

They halted at the ticket office and Sweeney, trying his hardest not to sound furious with the entire world, muttered, "What time's the next train to Brighton?"

The elderly station master smiled faintly, "Ah, taking the wife and boy on a holiday?"

"Yes, and we'd like to leave as soon as possible." Sweeney growled, one hand twitching towards his blade. Nellie gently took that hand and smiled at the old man.

"My husband's very keen we should be gone soon, it's our first holiday with our boy." She cooed, and it worked like magic.

"Of course, my dear girl." He said, then pulled out a timetable, "Ah, the next train for Brighton leaves from platform 15 in half an hour. Two adults and a child, is it?"

Sweeney nodded, "In the name of Wyatt. Benjamin Wyatt."

They hurried to the platform and waited as patiently as they could, but by now they were all beginning to get twitchy, afraid that now they could see the light at the end of the tunnel something would appear to snuff it out.

Nellie heard her stomach rumble for the eigth time and decided she could stand it no more. "Daniel love, here's some money, go get us some chocolate from that machine."

Toby nodded and took the few coins she dropped into his hand, then hurried off through the crowd.

Nellie glanced at Sweeney. While she was content to sit upon the trunk, he was pacing around like a caged tiger.

"Ben, love, sit down please." She hissed. "People might stare."

He scowled, but sat beside her. "I've been thinking… all this is well and good, but what are we going to do when we run out of England to run to? What are we even going to do at the seaside? The money will only last so long."

Nellie nodded, "Aye, but we do 'ave skills, love. I'll set up a nice little bakery. Not just meat pies either, nice sweet things too."

He nodded along with this, "All well and good for you and the boy, but what about me, love?"

She considered this. She wasn't sure going back to barbery was such a good idea, someone would be bound to make the connection. What was there he could do other than use those blades?

She sighed, admitting defeat, "I dunno at the moment. I'll think of something mind you, and in the meantime you could help me and Toby in the bakery. Fetch and carry things, you know."

He snorted, and was obviously about to make some sarcastic reply when his eyes focused on something in the crowd, and he seized Nellie's upper arms, then kissed her deeply, sweeping her back in a passionate embrace that shocked Nellie to her core.

When he pulled back for air he muttered, "There's a bloody copper walking around… and our bloody train's coming… where's the boy?"

So that was it, a kiss so his face wouldn't be seen.

Nellie pulled back from him and, tucking her shawl a little around her head, called out, "Daniel love? Come here!"

Toby raced through the crowd to them like a wild dog was chasing him. "Mum, there's a copper!"

She nodded, "I know love, now hurry up and help your father with the trunk, we're getting on that train and getting a nice compartment to ourselves so you can sleep and I can think." She tried to comfort him, it wasn't easy in this sea of people with a shark in it.

Still they hurried and shoved their way onto the train and forced their way to a compartment that was empty. Sweeney slammed the door behind them, swearing to himself that if anyone came along and tried to get in he'd gut them like an animal and chuck them out the window.

Only when the train drew off did the three finally relax.

"Blimy…" Toby muttered faintly to himself. "That was right horrible."

Nellie nodded in agreement, "Still, we're here now, won't be long till we're at Brighton. _By the sea-side my love, by the beautiful sea."_

Sweeney rolled his eyes, then reached to the pocket of his coat, pulling out a few dozen coins. "Go to the dining car and fetch us something to eat Tob- _Daniel._"

Toby nodded and took the coins, such an obedient boy. He hurried off down the train.

Nellie sighed. Two kisses they'd had today. One she had given him, because she was still holding on to the hope that he may yet be hers. The second he gave to her, to stop a policeman seeing his face.

She wondered if he'd ever kiss her because he cared for her?

"Violet, love, come sit over 'ere."

She looked up from where she was staring out the window at the passing landscape. "Pardon?"

He patted the seat beside him, "I said come sit over 'ere. It looks bloody strange, a wife not sitting by 'er husband."

Nellie beamed to herself. She knew as well as he did it wasn't that odd a sight to see, but it was his strange little way of inviting her nearer to him, and she took what she could get and didn't ever ask why.


	6. How I've lived without you

;; plz forgive any OOCness, I know Sweeney's being oddly non-homicidal, chalk it up to being tired.

Warning: very slight naughtiness in this chapter

_Something behind you…_

_Hear it? You can feel your back against the wall, and yet there's still something breathing into your ear._

_Whispering now._

"_Killt me… you killt me Nellie…"_

_Shaking head, No, you didn't you just screamed, the boys did the killing._

"_Nellie Lovett took her axe, killed Lucy with forty whacks, when Sweeney saw what she had done, he killed her with forty-one."_

_Please, please leave me, I didn't know, I didn't, please…_

_Something horrible getting up close to your face, breathing all over you. Pulling you, towards a blaze of fire, all the time singing in a hoarse voice, calling you a witch._

"Violet!"

"Mum?"

Nellie's eyes jerked open and she stared around the compartment blankly for a moment, her face pallid with sheer terror.

Toby gulped and patted her arm, "We're almost at t' beach mum…woz you havin' a nightmare?"  
She managed to nod. Her head felt like it was full of cotton.

Sweeney looked away, as though that would erase the fact that for a moment, he had been concerned about her.

"Sweeney…"

He barely twitched, merely answered her with the words, "I can't think who you're talking to love, I'm Benjamin, remember?"

She blinked, then nodded. "Course… Benjamin… and Daniel…"

The three were quiet from then until they left the station at Brighton. It was dark, it being some universal law of travelling that whenever one arrives anywhere, it will be too dark to see what a nice place it is.

Then, and only then, Sweeney spoke. "Where in the name of buggering hell are we going to sleep?"

Nellie rolled her eyes. Shaking off the nightmare, she had to be the sensible practical woman she was if they were to get anywhere tonight. She looked around calmly and then answered back, "I think that lodging house over there might be a good place to start, love."

Toby giggled, then stopped when Sweeney glared at him.

"My my, you three are travelling late." The old woman at the front desk of this tiny inn chirped out. "We might just be able to squeeze you in though, Mr…?"  
"Wyatt." Sweeney replied, then, apparantly for no reason other than tenderness, took Nellie's hand in his. "Mr. and Mrs. Wyatt, and our son."

The old woman leant forward a little and smiled, nodding at Toby. "Fine looking lad. Bit pale mind…"  
Nellie smiled in a way she hoped was sweet, "Oh yes, well we all are, it's all that 'orrible smoke up in the cities. I said to my Benjamin we needed a good long 'oliday, didn't I love?" she tugged at her hand a little, he didn't let go.

The old woman smiled and nodded, "Oh, the seaside will do you the world of good my dears, if you'll just sign in here, we can get you nice and settled." She gestured to the guestbook.

He nodded just barely, calmly leaning to sign the guest book. Still he did not release her hand. He didn't even let go when they were being led upstairs, Toby dragging their trunk behind him up the stairs.

Toby was shooed into a small room, with a single bed. And the hostess led Nellie and Sweeney to a double.

And she chirped out in that she didn't rent out this room much, but all the others were booked up, and she hoped they enjoyed the room, it being the honeymoon room.

Only when she had closed the door was Nellie able to pull her hand from Sweeney's vice-like grip and snap, "What was the point of crushin me bloody hand like that?!"

He turned and glared at her, eyes flashing like razors. "Tell me pet, how many married woman do you know who don't wear a sodding ring?!"

Nellie blinked, stunned, then looked down at her hand.

Of course, here she was playing the part of his little wife, and she hadn't even thought to dig out a ring to wear.

"…I'm sorry." She mumbled. She suddenly felt very small and silly, there she was walking around like she knew everything and she'd forgotten a detail as important as that.

He walked slowly over to the tiny window, facing away from her. "Get some sleep."

She glanced once at the large bed, then back at him. "Sweeney, love, where are you going to sleep?"  
"Benjamin." He corrected without missing a beat, "I'll stay up."

Nellie frowned and tried to concentrate, working it out in her head. "…You havn't slept for two days running now. Get in the damn bed."

"I'll do what I like, you get in the bed, woman."  
Nellie placed her hands on her hips, "Oh, 'Woman' am I now? Well that's a step up from 'pet' I suppose." She stomped over to him, grabbed his shoulder and with a strength she didn't know she possessed, turned him to face her. "What the hell do I have to do to make you say my bloody name Sweeney?!"

He glared at her. For a moment they were locked, two incredibly strong wills fighting one another.

"Go to bed." He repeated. "Nellie."

She smirked a little, knowing now she'd won, beaten him. "Only if you sleep too, Sweeney." She reasoned now that the best thing to do would be to get him to sleep, by any means. If those means just happened to go along certain lines that she had been longing for, for years, well, all the better.

He sighed deeply, "Will you never be satisfied until you have me in bed with you?"

Nellie turned and started to walk away, unlacing her corset as she did, letting it fall unheeded to the floor behind her, then the buttons of her dress, til it hung from her shoulders, exposing just a little more skin.

She turned her head slightly to look over her shoulder at him, "I don't 'old with settling for second best, love."

He crossed the room in seconds, turned her to him, captured her lips. Not fake this time, not just a distraction, or one-sided from her. At last he was kissing her the way she wanted him to, his hands soft and strong on her bare shoulders as her dress pooled around her ankles, his body smelling so deliciously of pomade and blood… hands slipping from her shoulders down over what was now only covered by thin chemise…

Soft, sudden whispers, her fingers working furiously on the buttons of his waistcoat and shirt, shoving them off. Commenting on how well-muscled he was, years of labour on boats had done that for him.

And then moving onto that bed, sighing, tasting, touching, learning one another.

And finally, sleep.

Sleep without nightmares.

Nellie was awoken by the sunshine, something that never happened in London.

She was also awoken by the soft snoring of the second occupant of the bed in which she lay, and that _never_ happened in London.

She smiled widely as she remembered what happened last night, and fondly looked down at the face of the man she so desperately loved.

His perfect ebony hair was messed around his head, she remembered vaguely grabbing handfuls of it last night, he'd snapped at her not to do that. She'd told him she'd pull harder if he didn't do what she wanted.

Was this real? Had it finally happened? Had she really finally won him over?

She reached to poke his arm and make sure he was real and not some apparition of her lonely mind. He _felt_ solid enough, and he was making those adorable soft snoring noises…

"Stop poking me woman."

Her hand stilled and she drew back a little, pulling a sheet to her chest, she wasn't sure why, she'd never help with modesty before, but having been to bed with Sweeney…

He rose slowly, stretching his long pale limbs, yawning like some predatory cat. Then sighed deeply and let himself fall back to the mattress.

Nellie wondered for a moment if she dared allow herself to give in to what she wanted now, in the sanity-inducing light of day.

She decided it was worth the risk, and laid her head upon his bare chest, white as porcelain, a stark contrast to her blood-red hair. For a moment he didn't even seem to notice. Then he shifted his weight slightly and placed one arm around her naked shoulders.

"Sweeney…" she whispered softly, just for the pleasure she got from hearing his name. "_We're by the sea now my love, don't you just love it? We can stay here all day underneath our covers too…_"

"I only paid for one night." Sweeney replied coldly. "We're going to have to find somewhere else to stay."

Nellie sighed, so that was it then, so much for the romantic morning she had envisioned. "Well then I suppose we'd best dress and get to work house-hunting." She shoved his arm from her shoulders, though she would have loved to keep him holding her, and stormed about the room picking up her clothes. Occasionally she found an item of his, and tossed it to him as he remained on the bed. She didn't much like the feel of him staring at her, bare and vulnerable.

Once she was dressed and feeling a little less exposed, she sat herself in front of the small vanity mirror in the corner of the room, setting about brushing the tangles from her crimson hair. She muttered irritably as she did so, Sweeney really did drive her mad, and not just with desire, there were times when his attitude just ruined everything, all their little moments where she believed something may happen and-

In the mirror she saw he was stood right behind her. With a small frown on his face he took the brush from her hand and started to comb her hair for her.  
"If you do it like that you'll pull it all out…" he muttered angrily to himself. "Honestly Nell, you ought to at least attempt to keep yourself looking neat."

Nellie blushed a faint pink and stared at their reflection, the look of concentration on his face as he brushed through her red locks, how gentle and careful he was being… and to think those hands he was using so carefully had killed maybe hundreds of men.

"What happened to you callin' me Mrs. Lovett?" she whispered, leaning her head back a little into his soft touch.

He grunted faintly, "That 'ardly seems right, pet, after last night."

She sighed happily, this was bliss. "Right enough."

He stopped then, and placed the brush back on the table before her, she felt his bare chest brush her shoulder as he leant over her.

"Best get dressed then." He muttered. "Lots of work to be done today."

Nellie nodded, "Got to find ourselves a nice house…" she watched Sweeney's reflection in the mirror, smiling to herself as he wandered naked as the day he was born about the room, looking for the clothes that had been cast aside in the night.

"Get you a bluddy ring an' all." He muttered, "I ain't 'olding yer hand all day."

She cleared her throat, "A proper one?"  
He stopped walking around for a moment, pulling on his shirt. "Perhaps."


	7. You lied to me

Toby was overwhelmed by the sight of the sea, he took one look at the apparently endless mass of blue and turned his head back to the shops along the sea front, shops were something familiar, something he could recognise.

There was far too little familiarity here, even his new mother and Mr. Todd seemed to be acting strangely. More so than usual anyway.

"I don't see wot the problem was wiv that last one I liked." Nellie muttered sulkily.

Sweeney barely blinked, "You're living under the illusion that we're bloody rich, that was the problem." He sighed vaguely and looked up and down the sea front, "S' no bloody good, nothing's for sale."

Nellie sighed, "Well… maybe we could find someone who wouldn't be missed an you an our Toby could… ask him to move?" she winked and squeezed the pale white hand he was allowing her to hold until they found a ring. She so loved finally having a small amount of power over him, even if it was only because deep down inside he felt guilty about what had happened between them.

Guilty because it was like betraying Lucy.

Lucy.

Nellie winced slightly and bit the inside of her lip. Tried to put the woman out of her mind, after all, what was done was done, and she wasn't the one who put the blade to her throat, was she? No, that was…

Toby.

But then again, he did it to protect her, didn't he? Because she'd screamed.

"Seems like that's whot we'll 'ave to do pet." Sweeney glanced at Toby. He was staring firmly at the shops, keeping his eyes from the sea, evidently this was all just too much. "Whotcher think 'Danny'?"

Toby's eyes snapped up to Mr. Todd as though he were breaking a trance. "Mh. If we 'ave to, I suppose." He gave a sad little sigh. "That 'ouse right down at the end of the street-"

"Front." Nellie corrected. "It's called a 'front' here, love." She smiled sweetly. "Y'mean that smelly old fishmongers?"

Toby nodded. "'E don't have a family, less clean up. Fish'll cover the smell of blood, an' once we're set up your baking'll get rid of the fish smell."

For a moment Sweeney seemed to consider this, turning it over in his mind, then smiled a thin, wry smile, "Yes, that'll do nicely." He turned to Nellie, still smiling that thin smile, "He's got a 'ead for the family business."

They waited until the strike of midnight, when even the seaside entertainment had shut up its last store, and the seafront was silent but for the waves lapping at the sand.

Nellie stayed back, her only aid in this murder a hairpin for picking the lock of the fishmonger's store. When it was over Toby fetched her in, whispering that the man never even woke up, a nice clean slash across his neck and it was done.

Sweeney dragged him to the cellar, and they set about the work that would have to be done. An old sofa was found for Toby to sleep on, tucked beneath Nellie's shawl. He protested that he wanted to help at first, but then fatigue took him and he slept.

His 'parents' set about their chores, like a finely oiled machine they performed what had to be done. Nellie scrubbing the floor of the bedroom free of any bloodstains, pulling the bedsheets away and slicing them up, throwing a piece at a time onto the fireplace in the lounge until it was all gone.

Sweeney took the body in the silence of the night, to the pier, improvised with ropes and what weights he could find, then threw the body to the waves.

And when all their work was done, they sat together on the bare floorboards of the bedroom, for a while in silence.

Nellie sighed. "We're gonna 'ave to spend 'alf our savings on this place, turnin it into a pie shop, getting proper furniture, all the necessaries."

Sweeney made a vague noise of agreement, staring at the wall. "Mh, an' I suppose you'll be wantin to give Toby a nice room, good lad that he is."

Nellie smiled faintly, "You're quite fond of him, on the quiet, aren't you?"

"He does what he's told."

Nellie knew Sweeney well enough to know that meant 'yes'. She shook her head indulgently and glanced at the window. "Still the dead of night out there. We ought to try an' sleep."

"Sleep as in sleep or sleep as in your odd little definition, love? The one that entails us not doing much resting at all?"

Nellie had to laugh at that. She had to, she was so very tired and the world was so dark, but for once, just once, he was the one making suggestions to her.

When she forced her giggles to stop, he was staring at her.

Without thinking, she moved closer. He did too, placed his hand on hers.

"Nellie…"

She sighed out softly. "We're going to have a proper little life here together, you and me. Just like I dreamed."

He nodded, "Of course, pet, anything you want."

His lips against her neck, for a moment feeling his teeth glancing off the skin.

She closed her eyes.

And there was Lucy. Looming up behind her eyelids with her wide eyes monstrous and accusing.

"No!" Nellie shrieked and fell backwards. But she was not there, only Mr. Todd, staring at her blankly, stunned and confused.

She gulped and fanned herself. "N…no, not tonight darling. Too much done already today, lets just get some rest. Tomorrow…"

He raised an eyebrow. "…What's wrong?"

She shook her head and tried to think. "We… _We shouldn't try it until it's legal…"_

"Bollocks."

She swallowed. Need an excuse that he would buy. Anything would do… just-

"I love you."

Her thoughts ran dead in her head. She blinked and stared at him, believing entirely that she had misheard.

"…I…I'm sorry?"  
He turned his eyes from hers, and… upon her word, was he _blushing?_

"I love you, Nellie. Lord knows I don't know if I want to, but I do."

She could have chosen to be insulted by that, but so many years of longing after him, both as Benjamin and Sweeney, broke her down. She went to him, hugged him to her. And in the night under the sound of the waves, she loved him.

……

It only took two weeks or so to sort the place out properly. Sweeney had to take up fishing for a few days to pay for one or two little things, supplies and so fourth.

Nellie nearly fainted when one day while she was sweeping up he walked in and presented her with a ring box.

It was silver, beautiful and shining. When she asked how he had come by it, he whispered that he had made himself a friend with a blacksmith, who for a few pounds melted down one of the razors into a pair of silver rings. One of which Sweeney himself was wearing.

And days later it was the grand opening of The Wyatt family bakery.

People in the town commented on how lovely the family was, what a good son their young Danny was, running to and fro for his parents, serving drinks and cakes or delivering to the richer houses.

And Violet Wyatt, what a beauty, and what a magic touch with pastries and icings.

And Benjamin… well, he was polite, if a little stiff. Rarely seen, working away in the bakehouse, making the bread. Violet joked with her customers that it was the only thing he could manage, not many things he could do to mess it up.

The day drew in and the customers departed, and finally Nellie staggered to the parlor and put up her feet. After a moment Toby appeared and settled on the floor beside her chair, happy to be near her. He lit up the fire and they sat in happy company.

And then finally, the door of the bake house clanged shut and they heard boots on floorboards, and in Sweeney walked. Often with his hair covered in flour, still at least he smelled of warm bread, instead of blood.

He sighed and slumped into the other chair by the fire. "I'm knackered. Get us a drink Toby."

Toby nodded and scurried off. Sweeney took the opportunity to move to sit beside Nellie.

"Long day, love?"

Nellie nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. "We're still selling more pastries than bread."

He rolled his eyes. "Pity a barber in a baker's guise, pet."

She giggled and patted his shoulder before closing her eyes.

She was still there. Lucy Barker, glaring down upon Nellie, promising never to leave her until the truth was out. Nellie tried to push her out of the way.

"It might have been nice," she mused, "to have had a proper wedding, but I suppose that's the way things go, eh?" she forced a smile, "I've got everything else I wanted."

Sweeney made a vague noise like he agreed, half asleep already.

She ought to tell him. She could just drop it in like a small thought, just gasp out suddenly in the night as if woekn from a nightmare. Cry and tell him how she had tried to help Lucy, but she had gone to the street, and she couldn't bear to tell him what became of her, and what if that woman was…

She could remember vividly the days after Benjamin had been sent away, and that good-for-nothing Albert passed on. Just the two ladies and baby Johanna. She could remember telling Lucy that if she would help out with the pies she could stay in the room above the shop as long as she wished.

And she remembered with bitterly tinged memories how the beedle had come for Lucy. Even she, Nellie, had believed his story at first, because she so wanted Benjamin back…

The way Lucy placed her baby in Nellie's arms and told her she would be back before long.

The way the poor thing staggered back into the shop weeping violently, her dress torn and hanging from her, her shame bare to the world.

Nellie tried so hard, so, so hard, to comfort her, to care for her. For a while she thought she had managed.

And then the silly woman walked out when Nellie wasn't looking, returned during the lunchtime rush, so by the time Nellie thought to go up and check on her friend and rival, the arsenic had taken her mind.

After that, it had been a blur of awful events. She hadn't been able to care for Lucy, she didn't know how. She couldn't be trusted with the baby, so Nellie took care of Johanna.

And then the authorities got wind of what had happened, and Lucy was taken away. And though Nellie fought tooth and nail to keep Johanna, cried to the judge that she and Albert had been named godparents, he ruled that as Albert had died, the baby was to be sent to the orphanage.

Nellie doubted the pretty blonde baby ever spent a single night in an orphanage. The Judge probably took her home that very night.

A voice broke her daydream like a stone in water.

"Nellie… about Gerald."

She blinked and stared at him. "My boy? What about him?"

Sweeney stared into the fire. "How did he die?"

Nellie gulped and as always, felt a lump in her throat. "…Dunno, just died in his little cot in the night. Never even cried out."

Sweeney shook his head. "No love. Wasn't like that."

Nellie sat up a little more. "What do you mean?"

"I met your 'usband one night in the pub. He was full of the booze, kept raging on about your Gerry always screaming into the night."

Nellie's hands clenched into fists. Albert had been awful about that, ranting on and on at her about keeping the baby quiet.

Now that she thought, hadn't he been out drinking the night Gerry…

Yes, he came in late. Was a while getting up to bed as well, she'd just assumed he was drunk and-

All at once she saw it in her imagination. Her boar of a husband holding a pillow over the baby's cot, no cries were emitted. Just holding it there until he –

"That stinking son of a –" she snarled. "He killed my baby…" she turned her eyes on Sweeney, "Why din't you tell me before now?!"

Sweeney barely blinked. "You didn't tell me about Lucy. Tit for tat, love."


	8. There was a Barber

Nellie's mind raced. She could feel the life around them falling apart suddenly at the seams, the edges fraying and falling away.

"I… I never said she died…" she managed to gasp out.

"You lied to me, Nellie."

"No…never lied, love, I promise, I never lied." She squeaked out.

"Mum?"

The two adults turned to the door; Toby was standing there with two glasses of gin on a tray for them. He was blinking at them, fearful suddenly. "Is somthin wrong?"

Sweeney rose easily and took his glass from the tray, downing the gin in one gulp. His eyes focused on Toby.

"Nothing's wrong Tobias, hurry off to bed now. Don't want you turning into a pumpkin because you're not in bed at midnight, do we?"

Toby shook his head, suddenly any colour he'd gained from living by the sea had drained from his face. "N-no sir."

Sweeney didn't turn back to Nellie until Toby had disappeared up the stairs. He was smiling horribly, a smile that ought to have belonged to something big and predatory that searched jungles looking for victims to grin at.

"You lied."

She shook her head again, adamant, "I didn't!! For god's sake listen to me!" she protested. "I never once told you she died! Never! I couldn't… I couldn't tell you your Lucy was living on the streets! I couldn't tell you she was full of 'orrible diseases!" she looked up at his cold eyes, so desperate for just a flicker of human kindness. "I couldn't tell you the woman you risked your life just to see again 'ad become that!"

Sweeney didn't move, only said coldly once more, "You lied."  
Nellie shuddered, "I tried to take 'er in Sweeney, I did, truly, she woul'n't let me, every time I tried to keep her in and safe she screamed like a ghost up in that room! Sweeney, please, I-"

She felt her resolve snapping down, in her head Lucy Barker laughed.

"I didn't know what to do." She finally wept, into her hands more than to Sweeney. "Never meant for her to be killed, I _never_ meant for that to 'appen, truly Sweeney, I din't, she just gave me such a fright staring in like that-"

"Toby killed her. Because she frightened you."

Nellie looked up again suddenly. Not Toby, she wouldn't let him have Toby. "Wasn't his fault…" a thought occurred to her and she quipped, "You chased her too, though."

He nodded, walking over to the mantle over the fireplace, staring intently at a photograph they'd had taken at the fair.

Nellie loved that photo, loved how normal and happy they all looked, her clutching Sweeney's arm, him with a smile on his face for once, and Toby peering around from behind her with a cheeky grin.

She swallowed, forcing herself to be calm, she was sure she could still salvage this, she wasn't going to let the life she'd hoped for so long just sink away into nothing like this.

"How did you find out?" she whispered.

He sighed. "You told me, pet."

She blinked. "I….told you?" she asked carefully.

He nodded, turning to look back at her. "Ev'ry night, pet, when you're asleep, you kept whisperin, about how you never meant for it to 'appen, wasn't your fault, beggin for forgiveness. Then last night, pet, you said you was sorry to Lucy."

Nellie felt her face flush. So he'd known. And she'd been the one who told him. Somehow that made it worse.

"I…I just didn't want to 'urt you." She mumbled, lowering her head, like she was awaiting the execution.

"You should 'ave told me the truth." He spoke lowly.

Nellie gulped. "An' would that 'ave been better? What would you have done, if I told you? Told you what your precious Lucy 'ad become?" she stood up.

Sweeney's eyes closed for a moment, as though he were wincing in physical pain. He sighed. "No, but that would've been the right thing."

Nellie breathed. "Sweeney, love…" she stepped towards him. "I never meant for it to end like that."  
He sneered, "Bollocks, you would have given anything to get me in your clutches."  
Nellie felt anger bubble inside her and before she could stop herself she snapped out, "How _dare_ you?!" she grasped his shoulder and turned him to face her. "How dare you suggest that I would rather Lucy wos dead and you miserable?!" she clenched her hands into fists, nails making red marks on her palms. "If it'll make you 'appy then I wish she wos alive instead of me!"

She slumped back into her chair, breathing heavily and wishing suddenly that she had held on to her nerve instead of blowing up at him.

She waited for what he would do.

"…Why would you wish that?"  
She rolled her eyes, god he was slow sometimes. "Because, pet, when you love someone, really love them, you want them to be 'appy, even if it's not wiv you." She sighed and closed her eyes. "That's all I wanted. For you to be happy."

For a long time there was only the sound of the waves outside and the fire crackling away, the gentle rumble of the bakehouse oven, the creaking of the floorboards.

Sweeney's hand grasped hers and pulled her to her feet. Her eyes sprang open.

"Sweeney?"  
His face was expressionless. He spoke in a monotone. "Come wiv me. You're gonna do a penance for not telling me the truth."

Nellie swallowed, but allowed him to drag her along. When she saw he was heading for the bakehouse her stomach tightened, but she was nothing if not brave, and did not scream in fear or try to escape.

He shut the door behind them and continued leading her over to the huge oven, and only then did he let go of her. Let go to open up the oven door.

Nellie felt heat and terror and the smell of brimstones. Hell, then. She was going to go to hell and Sweeney was going to put her there.

He seized her wrist and snarled into her widened eyes. "If you're really sorry, if you really din't mean it…" he stared down at the burning coals. "Then pick one up."

Her mouth dropped open. So he wasn't going to kill her. But was this really any better? Forced to pick up a burning hot coal, hurt herself beyond compare?

Was he worth that?

She looked up into his cold, hard face.

Yes, he was.

She swallowed her fear, rolled up her sleeve and reached.

It hurt. It hurt and she wept silently and clutched at her own wrist to stop her hand from spasming and dropping it, and she felt like her fingers would drop off and-

She felt the burning pain and heat leave. She dared to look and…

Sweeney was holding it now. His face drowning in agony, though silent. Tears streamed down his own cheeks until he dropped the coal to the ground.

He breathed hard for a few moments, then, in a hoarse voice he gasped out, "I saw… in some far-off places… this… for confessions." He turned his face to the fire and whispered out, "Bless me, for I 'ave sinned. I never told my Nellie the truth about who done her baby in."

Nellie blinked, then understood, it made sense, no Church for them, only the fire. They were demons, but damn, they could be honest ones. She turned to face the fire too. "Bless me, for I 'ave sinned." She swallowed. "I didn't tell Sweeney about Lucy. Now let me have him, Lucy, please." She stared into the flames and tried to tell herself she could see Lucy Barker dancing in them, as she once was. "Please, just let me look after him."

She felt a weight lifting from her chest. Her hand hurt like the devil himself, but that was her punishment. It was done, whatever dark god she and Sweeney served had been satisfied.

Sweeney turned to her and with his one good hand, lifted her burnt one, kissed the tip of one finger, before walking to the door of the bake house and letting them out. They tended one another's burns, and, as though nothing at all had happened, went to their bed.

Before she fell asleep he leant over to whisper to her, "_The history of the world my pet… is to learn forgiveness, and try to forget."_

She sighed deeply and whispered back, "_Life is for the alive, my love, so lets keep living it."_

_There was a barber and a baker… and they were beautiful…_

_A vengeful barber and a baker._

_He was her reason and she was his life…_

_And they were beautiful._

_And he was full of wickedness._

_But she brought him happiness._

_And he was… hers._


End file.
